Dancing UCLA math geek who's been living for 20 years. Oh and Samahang Modern is the shit. Anything else?
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[ Tuesday, March 4 ]

It’s kind of crazy…

When things are put into perspective, everything just changes. The scenery, the mood, and the whole story. People always wonder, why look at it that way? But do they ever answer that question? Not really. It is quite rare when someone can hear or see something from one point of view and think… “I wonder what it’s like if I looked from this direction or heard from someone else.” One’s judgment is quickly made because of the belief that everything they see or hear for the first time is the one and only correct time.

Many times I’ve caught myself closing my eyes or covering my ears to other possibilities. It was not until recently that I’ve truly discovered what it meant to look from another hole. Another eye. Another point of view. It was not until recently that I’ve truly discovered what it meant to hear from another hole. Another mouth. Another point of view. It sucks I’ve only recently discovered this wonderful realization. My eyes and ears are bigger than ever. (yeah wow Ceejay, I didn’t think your ears can get any bigger)

I just wish that there were more people that came to this realization. More people to give the benefit of the doubt. More people to look over both their left and right shoulder. More people to just… see. More people to just… listen. But what am I thinking. There’s no changing anything. I’ll just stay stuck on the other side of this wall. Hopefully others would be curious enough to peak over and give my side of the wall…

a chance.

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[ Wednesday, February 19 ]

Don’t you ever forget

there’s always more than one way to look at things.

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[ Monday, January 6 ]
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[ Friday, July 26 ]

I’m stuck in this hell-hole

Hello tumblr, we meet again. Time and time again, a sense of emotion rushes over my entire bloated body. I feel a rush of blood towards my brain activating my rapid thoughts about life. Whenever I have these emotional train wrecks, I contemplate on putting them on tumblr, like why should I? Why waste time to quickly maneuver my fingers just to record moments like these? Why share to my followers (who are probably inactive as fuck) my inner deep thoughts and my feelings? Honestly, it’s about expressing these thoughts on a public forum because deep inside every one of us, we desire attention. This attention I’m desiring right now is empathy. I hope what I’m about to type might touch someone’s heart or help them feel not alone. Maybe also allow people who read such ridiculous subjects of writing to experience a different feeling they never felt before. So here I go.

You look at the title and think, what the fuck is this hell-hole? I catch myself swimming away from the darkest depths of my memories only to be dragged back in by the powerful tidal waves of negative emotion caused by the gravity of my mistakes. It sucks, to think so lowly of yourself. It sucks, that sometimes you look past even the brightest moments to touch the dimly-lit corners of loneliness. It sucks to lose count of all the blessings only because you’re so distracted by that one mishap. The self-consciousness within myself causes an infinitely rotating black hole that SUCKS away everything. It SUCKS. I’m just always SUCKED backed into something that I try so hard to run away from, something that I wish would just untie itself from my ankles. (Yeah I sprained it 3 months ago) But there is definitely one mistake I made so far.. I’VE BEEN RUNNING THE WRONG WAY.

Like I said, we all have a little desire for attention. That’s exactly what I’ve been running to. THIS DESIRE FOR ATTENTION. I’ve been trying so hard to gain recognition from those that never recognized me before that when they still don’t recognize me, it hurt even more. (HA RHYMING) I talk to girls hoping they’d like me. I converse with more guys who don’t even have common interests as me. I put myself out there only to be pushed back in. Sometimes staying in your shell is a good thing, because not everyone is ready to go back out. As miserable as I am sustaining my consciousness into this stupid metaphorical shell, it still keeps me sane. We all just need to feel a little depressed sometimes to realize what exactly out there can help contrast to this sadness. I might not be ready now, or tomorrow, or the next fucking year (oh lord please not a year). But I think for now, it’s time for me to stay in my shell. Who knows when I’ll be back out. Hopefully soon, I’m getting fat eating these root beer floats, I need a new a shell.

I applaud you for reading all this, if you did. Thanks for your attention. Laterzzz

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[ Monday, December 31 ]

Toys or friends?

As adolescent kids, we have this bad habit of just throwing away old toys for new ones. We were very materialistic in an unrecognizable way. Why do I say unrecognizable? Because we’re kids, we don’t know the first meaning of respect. I mean, we have a slight understanding of respect when it came to our elders, older siblings or parents, but with toys? Of course not. Soon however, toys slowly disappear from our young years and are replaced with friends. Living entities that actually have emotions that you can’t just fuck around with. They aren’t some toy you can just move on from without proper mental rehabilitation. This friend-shit can fuck you up in the head, make you more depressed or quick-tempered. So what happens when kids start making friends? Well obviously, they start growing up. They start to learn how to respect their fellow beings around them. They begin to learn manners, life-lessons, and how to maintain a stable relationship with not just some toy, but with someone who can easily impact their life as much as they impact someone else’s.

It’s always nice to see people mature. It’s actually so normal that sometimes, we don’t even notice it. But an event we do notice is when someone doesn’t mature. When someone is still stuck in that toy-phase, except this time, with actual people. There are people who move on so quickly and can just drop their friends without a proper goodbye. There are people who secretly sleep around without letting their significant other, who’s probably deeply in love (or like), know about the actual situation. There are people who manipulate others into committing acts or performing deeds for the benefit of the manipulator. All these people have one thing in common. They have not matured. What do you do with these people? The answer is simple. Nothing. Why? Because they are the catalyst for the maturity of others. They are people who show others the wrong side of life. They make the mistakes for us. Without them, there wouldn’t be an obvious difference between whose mature and who isn’t. Yes, it sucks to be “played” with, but it is a learning experience. Don’t stick around to be hurt about it anymore. Be the better man (or woman) and just.. move the fuck on. That’s the first step to maturity.

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[ Sunday, December 23 ]

Underestimated or overestimated?

I’m underestimated by those who think they can keep things away from me. But I overestimated myself by thinking that I was strong enough to not let these mishaps fuck with my emotions.

I feel like I’m mad/sad all the goddamn time. Where has the happiness gone? Hopefully it finds itself back in my system. And soon.

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Dude tumblr,

I miss you. I miss posting gifs. Should I even try getting back on this? Haha

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[ Wednesday, November 14 ]

"Humans have transcended evolution."

An interesting topic erupted during my Life Science class today. Transcending evolution? Perfecting the human genome? Is it all possible?

Despite the class having a scientific discussion on this whole subject, I was busy referencing my personal life. It is a life science course after all, so technically it was all productive thinking.

So where does my personal life come into play? Well first off, as people, we’re all striving for one thing, perfection. Now before you attack me with how we can never be perfect therefore attaining perfectionism would be a waste of time, think about your ambitions, your goals. They all are related to your ideal of a perfect life. We all have that desire to wish things worked out for the best, but does it ever? No, of course not. Which brings me back to this “transcending evolution” mayhem. Can we, as humans with our endless technology, ever achieve perfection in a sense that we never have to evolve to adapt? That answer is simple, we can’t. But we are, however, are always striving. Why do we strive so hard when we know we can never reach it? Because we can always be infinitely close to perfection and that possibility itself is enough to push us to our limits.

We strive to have a perfect education. We strive to have a perfect job. We strive to have a perfect relationship. We may never reach it, but we will always push our limits to almost reach that perfection because of our natural desire to attain it. It just takes a lot of hardships before reaching this “almost perfect” world.

That is exactly what I want. An almost perfect relationship with her. We fight, we argue, and we don’t get along here and there, but who’s to say that we can’t work hard to reach this ideal “perfection”. I push myself to my limits to make things work out because I am a human trying to transcend evolution. In other words, I’m evolving to stop evolving, if that makes any sense. She has been my guide, my companion, my support whenever I needed it. So why not push myself to perfect our relationship? If we keep trying, we’ll eventually hit that point of almost perfect. right? I mean, that’s the only reason why I stay in this, because I have hopes for this “almost perfect”. It might not be now, it might not be soon, but one day, we can be infinitely close to transcending our evolutionary relationship.

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[ Tuesday, October 16 ]


mixed in with a little happiness. Bittersweet.

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[ Friday, October 5 ]

We all wonder

how everything would be if you just.. disappeared.

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