Hello tumblr, we meet again. Time and time again, a sense of emotion rushes over my entire bloated body. I feel a rush of blood towards my brain activating my rapid thoughts about life. Whenever I have these emotional train wrecks, I contemplate on putting them on tumblr, like why should I? Why waste time to quickly maneuver my fingers just to record moments like these? Why share to my followers (who are probably inactive as fuck) my inner deep thoughts and my feelings? Honestly, it’s about expressing these thoughts on a public forum because deep inside every one of us, we desire attention. This attention I’m desiring right now is empathy. I hope what I’m about to type might touch someone’s heart or help them feel not alone. Maybe also allow people who read such ridiculous subjects of writing to experience a different feeling they never felt before. So here I go.
You look at the title and think, what the fuck is this hell-hole? I catch myself swimming away from the darkest depths of my memories only to be dragged back in by the powerful tidal waves of negative emotion caused by the gravity of my mistakes. It sucks, to think so lowly of yourself. It sucks, that sometimes you look past even the brightest moments to touch the dimly-lit corners of loneliness. It sucks to lose count of all the blessings only because you’re so distracted by that one mishap. The self-consciousness within myself causes an infinitely rotating black hole that SUCKS away everything. It SUCKS. I’m just always SUCKED backed into something that I try so hard to run away from, something that I wish would just untie itself from my ankles. (Yeah I sprained it 3 months ago) But there is definitely one mistake I made so far.. I’VE BEEN RUNNING THE WRONG WAY.
Like I said, we all have a little desire for attention. That’s exactly what I’ve been running to. THIS DESIRE FOR ATTENTION. I’ve been trying so hard to gain recognition from those that never recognized me before that when they still don’t recognize me, it hurt even more. (HA RHYMING) I talk to girls hoping they’d like me. I converse with more guys who don’t even have common interests as me. I put myself out there only to be pushed back in. Sometimes staying in your shell is a good thing, because not everyone is ready to go back out. As miserable as I am sustaining my consciousness into this stupid metaphorical shell, it still keeps me sane. We all just need to feel a little depressed sometimes to realize what exactly out there can help contrast to this sadness. I might not be ready now, or tomorrow, or the next fucking year (oh lord please not a year). But I think for now, it’s time for me to stay in my shell. Who knows when I’ll be back out. Hopefully soon, I’m getting fat eating these root beer floats, I need a new a shell.
I applaud you for reading all this, if you did. Thanks for your attention. Laterzzz